As I navigate this new territory of being a writer, I was reminded of one of the original reasons I started writing so much the last few years. When I was healing from the onslaught of cancer and its emotional and physical impact, I began to wonder what would be my imprint. During that time of healing and recovering, so many emotions came through and wanted to be felt. I was afraid I would be forgotten by my children. I lost my father at the age of 16 and my mom a few years ago, every so often, I make myself remember distinct aspects of them. It is as if I forget them it will deny my existence. I did not want to deny my existence nor my daughters’. So I wrote, in part, to be remembered for who I am as a person. To give my loved ones another insight into who Lisa is. Because I have found that there is an uncovering that happens when I allow myself to be vulnerable with my pen and paper. And, when you have cancer, the uncovering is really filled with raw emotion.
I wanted to write all the amazing things I felt about my daughters and husband. I wanted to write about how new experiences fulfilled me. My love of gardening, learning how to grow organic herbs and vegetables, learning how to meditate and embracing a holistic lifestyle all in the midst of cancer. Making sure I told them I love you every chance I could It was an opportunity to pause and take stock as to how I embraced and responded to my life. At times, I felt that I did not have control over this situation. Trust me, a diagnosis of cancer is not the thing to ask for in one’s life in order to create an environment of vulnerability At least it was not at the top of my list.
I have found new parts of “Me” and will continue to find “Me”. So I hope that in writing these blog posts snipets of “Me” come through.
As a side note, my cancer prognosis is a positive one and for that I am so extremely and eternally grateful.