Our losses are moments (or in my case, an extremely long period of time) of transitions. They are doorways or a stopping place to grieve the lives we had and what will no longer be. It’s a time to sit still and acknowledge the loss and accept that we have to go on as difficult as it may be. I have had many losses in my life. The loss of my father , the loss of a life as I knew it before my daughter’s diagnosis of type 1 diabetes, the loss of my mother, loss of friendships and my loss of how life was before I got cancer. These are just some of the biggies to note. But, when I am at the place I am now, I can see that these are supposed to be my point of transitions that I was supposed to have. With each transition, I have since learned that it is the opportunity for me to learn more about myself only if I let it. Yes, I cry, get really ticked off and even have been know to question God excessively for an inordinate period of time as to why me.
I read when I am experiencing these losses. Hoping that reading a book will provide me with the precise how to’s of immediately overcoming this loss. That is how my methodical mind works. But, I also feel my feelings with great intensity. I try to learn from many of the masters that have equally experienced losses. One such lesson that resonates with me is the Buddhist teaching of impermanence which is basically the concept of this to shall pass. I try to integrate this teaching into my thought process. It is so hard when I am in the thick of these transitions. I have learned the difficult lesson that it is how I respond to these experiences that will dictate how I will be affected by them. I wish I can say that I will be free from anymore losses in my life, but I know that losses are universal to all of us.
Knowing that I can write from this place now is only because I have transitioned from my most recent loss and that I am in the acceptance phase. I am grateful that I am in this place and I know from the teaching of impermanence that this will not last but, I am mindful that today the losses have delivered me here to this present moment of grace and that is all I have.