After taking time off in January for some quiet reflection and enjoying the winter in the Midwest, here is a little tender post. During the past five years, I have personally felt that I have grown tremendously. Sometimes I wondered why do I have to be in this learning season for so long. But with each season comes a collective wisdom that is not so apparent initially. Growth can come in many forms, spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. I have experienced growth in all areas of my life for the good. I feel that I have reaped the benefits of healing (which was initiated by a cancer diagnosis) and I only want more. I don’t want more in the form of material possessions, to the contrary I have been purging and making every attempt to declutter what not longer brings me joy or makes my life simple. But, more for myself personally. To really live life fully and wholeheartedly. This may seem selfish. In the past, I would silently acknowledge my happiness only before my old self would begin to get its protective gear and squash the long lasting effects just in case something “bad” was lurking around the corner.
I want more for myself so that I don’t have to see what may pop up. I want to feel more joy, more simplicity, more peace. All of these qualities make my life easier and I want more. I finally have begun to allow myself the opportunity to happily want more. In today’s society people are moving a mile a nanosecond, texting, driving and listening to music, you have to do more to be more and I just want to be more.
I no longer want to feel guilty for wanting more of what I have identified as a simple life. I know that I will have many more seasons because that is what life is transitioning between those seasons, but I am so grateful that I now have this foundation to further experience life and to want more of it.