Bravery sometimes does not seem to be my fortey. I had my appointment yesterday with my surgeon. The appointments surrounding my past cancer diagnosis brings up so many intense emotions. And it is just hard for me. I gave myself the time afterwards to have a good cry which was based on the relief that it was over, but also trying to figure out how this is my story.
As I turned the ignition on my car, the Christmas songs started up. Ugh, how I am supposed to be cheery now when all I want to do is go home and crawl into bed. But, I can’t. The kids need to be picked up from school, homework started, dinner on the table and a few more client emails to be sent.
Yes, it is a balance between life and all of its, sometimes, harsh realities and those simple pleasures like the holidays. I have by no means mastered this balance, nor do I think I ever will. But that is one of my goals while I am on this journey. Yesterday, was just a little hard. Yet, at the end of the night, the cup of hot tea and the soft Christmas tree lights made the day a little better.
Many Christmas Blessings,
It’s hard balancing the Christmas season and everyday life. Tomorrow, I have my annual breast surgeon appointment. Actually, it’s a new surgeon because the original doctor retired this past June. It is the holiday season and I have to manage my memories of having had cancer and the perpetual fears that such a diagnosis can sometimes have on a person. As time passes, the fears of a return diagnosis lessens in frequency, but the strength of them are still the same.
I am beyond grateful that I am where I am, however, those fears are still strong. Here in lies the predicament of managing those feelings and being cheerful. Many people are going through the thick of life now. How do they manage the holidays?
I can only speak for myself and I can see I have had hardships during the holidays and the one aspect that keeps me going is hope. Hope that I will get to the other side of whatever life has served up for me. Today, it is the feelings related to my doctor’s appointment. I am trying to change my perspective that this is a follow up and today I am all good.
I am just trying to navigate life and my journey of self discovery and I feel that by sharing these moments, it helps me become a better me.
Many Christmas Blessings,
Today I had a great morning of making time to walk a trail in the woods with a childhood friend. My husband and I have been walking this trail for the past year. I never want to leave and I find that my time on the trail gets longer and longer. There is a sense of peace and tranquility being out in nature. The breaths are deeper, the strides are longer and my thoughts are so clear. I am so grounded on the trail. I am so happy to share these experiences with another.
I was so grateful to spend the time with my friend and in nature. I have reaped the beneficial after effects of the walk all day which is even more important after the holiday hustle and bustle is in high gear and the weather in the Midwest in cooperating.
My few quiet moments today have included reflection of creating a daily practice of simplicity and its importance. Just like any positive and authentic habit of life, I am realizing how important it is to feed this practice daily. In addition, my practice of writing on my blog daily is also developing. A challenge practice, but and enjoyable one none the less. So very grateful for this. Until tomorrow.
Many Christmas Blessings,
Since I have come up with the idea of my Christmas Chronicles, I have been getting pretty excited of how these blog posts will evolve, but even more exciting how this practice will allow me to evolve as a person.
Tonight, as I was thinking about my day, I was trying to find the moments of simplicity and contentment and then I remembered. In early November, I was thinking how great it would be to have all of my Christmas shopping done by December 1. This would be a great gift to myself, so that I would be able to enjoy the entire month of December celebrating Christmas versus bemoaning every aspect of the season. I am very proud to say that, with the exception of 2 gift card purchases, I am done with my Christmas shopping. Now this is not to brag. On the contrary, in years past I have been the one still shopping on December 23 and wishing I had more time. I knew that I wanted to bring back the spirit of Christmas for myself and my family. This year, that simple little thought became my reality. I am so grateful for this action step of took. I realized that this task had been accomplished as I was reviewing my Christmas to do list tonight.
So maybe, just maybe, we can find one thing that will allow us to bring about simplicity and contentment this Christmas time. I am so grateful I took the time for this practice and will most definitely enjoy the gift of this practice.
Many Christmas Blessings,
During my morning meditation today, I was acknowledging my gratitude for simplicity and contentment and wondering how I can maintain this perspective during the next 25 days of Christmas. I thought wouldn’t it be great to write a blog post every day for the next 25 days and chronicle how I can stay in the grace of peace, simplicity, contentment and the mere gratefulness for the season.
I will title the next 25 blog posts the Christmas Chronicles and will reflect on my own journey of introspection during this holiday season. I learn so much of myself and try to bring out the most in myself to benefit others. I do not know where this journey will take me, but I am excited to go deeper and share it with you.
Many Christmas Blessings,
I was reminded this morning that I needed to focus on myself and my personal priorities. Even if it is just for 30 minutes a day. Writing is a priority of mine and I have not rightly given this spiritual aspect of myself the devotion or time that it needs to fulfill me. In part, I tend to focus so much on others and other parts on my life.
Recently, I made the commitment to myself to begin to truly pay attention to taking care of Lisa and what her needs are and what brings her the most joy. Self care will not mean that the world around you will crumble. On the contrary, I have found that in fact my world actually benefited tremendously from the practice of self care.
Part of my self care practice is to experience life joyfully instead of the usual “here’s another unfulfilling day that’s just waiting for me”. I had to stop that because it was setting the stage for guess what? Another unfulfilling day. Go figure.
So I began to realign myself with my priorities. You know, the things that you like to do and that keep you motivated. In doing so, I was more mellow, relaxed and more open to my life. It also led me to “go with the flow” more often and not be so crabby all the time. I kind of liked not being crabby all the time and liked myself a little bit more.
Enlightened I became, yet again. That led me to thinking that our lives are continually evolving and we are continually aligning with our soul and our current circumstances. If we can practice that alignment and stay true to our priorities then life is pretty darn good. Yes, I have had my fair share of the muck life throws at you as we all have. But, I had this habit of waiting for the next time life decides to muck things up and not focus on my priorities. Now you know why I was so crabby all the time and why I had to change things for myself.
I know that I have been feeling my life change and I am not too sure how much or what else will change, but this is a great first step. This does take work, but I like this kind of work because, in all reality, if you love what you do it is not work.
I hope what I write can add some small nugget of joy, inspiration or the feeling of “been there, done that.” Thank you for reading and allowing me to practice my self care in your presence.
During my morning meditation today, I asked God to guide me to my higher purpose. And of course writing came up again! I know that I deny this urge quite often. I have sporadic moments of extreme intensity which is based on complete fearlessness and allowing my true self to express herself. But, then I allow the aspects of everyday life tell me I need to shelve this aspect of my life for now.
Today’s insight was rather strong that you don’t need to write the book yet. Just use the blog as your form of communication. Similiar to the notion that you can walk before you can run the marathon.
I do want to be consistent in how often I share my writings and post on this blog, but I hold myself back for countless reasons. There are so many it just depends upon when you ask me.
Today was different, it was clear. Just post! So posting I am. If nothing more then to just abide by the message I received this morning. I can’t ignore it.
So now that I have posted I feel Whole. You know that feeling of connectedness to our true self that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Why do we deny ourselves this simple pleasure of existence?
I now ask that you also seek how can you be connected to your true self today? Even for a moment. Because once the flame begins and it is nourished with the divine, it has no choice but to glow more brightly then we could ever imagine.
I try so hard to get back to my “before”. I feel at times that I am fighting the way things are supposed to be. After every event, I want to go back to how things were when I did not have to deal with whatever it is that I feel I wish I did not have to. With each event, I am shaped for the better. At least I hope so, but there is still the longing for the “before”. I process each experience that I have been presented, which have included both of my daughters’ illnesses, the death of my parents or even my own cancer diagnosis, I want to go back “before” all of it happened. I wish none of it happened. How different would my life be? But, then that is not living and that is not how life unveils itself as I am constantly reminded. I know that I am not the only one who feels that life sometimes plays a lot of tricks on us and can have incredibly unfair moments.
In all fairness, I have to look to how I am after. I cannot deny I am a different person with different perspectives. I have most definitely acknowledged my fondness for being more introverted and my quiet moments of contemplation. When I was younger, I would share whatever crisis I was having and looked to the feedback I would receive from others. My actions were based upon the majority consensus. I don’t think I really trusted myself or felt that I had developed that ability within myself. Really not a good way to live authentically.
My personal list of all of the experiences that have created my “after’s” have lead me to where I am today. I move forward getting comfortable with my new “after” self and sometimes it takes longer then I would like, but it is a process of becoming “Me”, “Lisa”, with all of my unique “after” moments. One of which has led me to writing this blog. I did not realize that I have been weaving my “before’s” and “after’s” beautifully into my ribbon of life accepting what has been given to me. Because we are a colorful culmination of our “before’s” and “after’s”, aren’t we?
The new year is upon us. I try to enjoy the day very simply and quietly. I actually met my husband on New Year’s Eve. A special night for sure. However, this year I realized that I am welcoming 2017 openly and with a sort of excitement that I have never before ushered a new year. I think it is because the previous new year’s I could not wait for the year to be over. But, this year is different. I have focused on trying to adjust to a more simplified living which can be challenging at times with two young daughters. But, in its essence, it has provided much comfort to me. During my 2016 year in review, what I focused on were the simple pleasures of life that brought me the most joy. A few included sitting together as a family and laughing until we were crying, celebrating my daughters’ accomplishments with them and catching the twinkle in my husband’s eyes when we share a tender moment. Oh my, what a great year I actually had. Those are the times I cherish most and will carry into the new year. And that is why I welcome the new year. I can honestly say that I have never ever felt this way for the new year. I welcome the change and am so grateful to acknowledge it.
Hello 2017……I am happily waiting for you.